I just realized how long it has been since I have written a blog. Life has been so absolutely crazy, yet really great at the same time.December and Januray were difficult months for me. I was working 32 hours a week at the store, taking care of a lot of things at home, and January started the new semester. I felt like I wasn't doing anything I actually enjoyed, I was so tired in so many ways, and I did not have time to be involved at my church which was frustrating. So in late January I decided to make a change. I realized that everything I was doing was by my own choice, and yes some of it I needed to do, but not all of it. In mid January I quit my fulltime job, decided to take all online classes at my college, and auditioned for My Fair Lady. So now I stay busy with many rehearsals especially as opening night is in 2 days, and keeping up with my classes. I think the biggest change has been my spiritual walk. Life got so busy and hectic that I was not making time to spend with God. I felt frustrated with where things were at. My heart felt restless and a longing for something. There was no joy with anything I did. Life is so precious, and something I realized is that no matter what I am doing God wants me to have joy and peace and He can give that to me everyday. I love what I am doing right now and I also now have the time to get a lot more involved at church including some great children's ministries I am involved in. My life is not perfect, and things will not always go amazingly, but right now I could not be any more happy. There is a joy I have that is difficult to express in words. It is overflowing and I know where it comes from.

  On another note, today is my 20th birthday and it made me think back to a year ago. One year ago I was traveling with my team in San Diego. It was a very memorable birthday. I remember the guys lighting the candles on my cake outside of Jack in the Box, but it was rather windy so they circled around it as I blew it out quickly. Oh and I had my very first Tapioca drink....thanks guys :) Later that night Ruthie and I were waiting for our host (who was the director for the High School's performance of Wizard of Oz), and a guy played Happy Birthday on his tuba for me. It was great.....a really great year. Today makes me miss my team, and yet I am so very thankful for my family and friends here as well who have made this day very special.

   I hope you all are staying well!!!!

                    ~Julie

  There is a time to cry. A time to cry about so many different things in our lives. Sometimes we cry for no reason, sometimes we cry when we are happy, and sometimes when we're sad or angry. But I find myself unable to cry. Unable to cry about things I feel I should be able to. I grew up with the idea that I had to stay tough. When my dad first started having health problems we knew it was serious, but my family took things one day at a time. My dad would make jokes and make us all laugh in the midst of the pain. I learned from early on that my parents had a lot to deal with, and I figured if they knew how upset I was about my dad's health then it would add more stress onto their lives. I learned to hide how I felt and to stay tough. After years of my dad going downhill I felt I had to be tough for my sister and brother too. I didn't want anyone to worry that I couldn't handle things. Year after year it was the same. My dad would have a good couple of months and then a bad couple of months. But then a couple of years ago he stopped having the good couple of months. By then I was numb to it all. Numb to the pain that I felt for my dad, to the sadness. When new health problems arose in my dad's life, it became no big deal. But I was used to it. I used to feel sadness for my dad, but it became a mixture of things. Anger......it is something I have felt for a whle now. I don't understand. I don't understand why my mom has to work so hard, why my dad always hurts.  I don't even know what I've been angry at or who. But last night for the first time in years.....I cried. Last week my dad had some tests done. The doctors think he has cancer. They don't know how bad, or if it is for sure. Yesterday my dad had a biopsy done. They put a needle into his hip bone. I got home from school and he had been asleep for quite some time. He took medication to help with the pain. I looked at him while he slept and just cried. I wasn't angry at God or anyone. I wasn't full of questions. All I could do was cry. And for the first time in a very long time, I felt like God was right next to me. I felt like I could just crawl into His arms. I haven't felt peace like that in so long and it felt wonderful. I've come to realize I don't have to be tough. God doesn't want me to.

   The Lord is my Shepherd I shall not want.

                           Julie